Music-Sample.com Free Drum, Bass and Guitar Loops and Samples.

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Skin beater:	found sitting behind a drum kit, these knuckle dragging simians are lacking the ability to count to four, keep time and are tone deaf, hence their apparent choosing of a percussion instrument.

Drummer:	pronounced (dummer); these hairless Apes may be able to either count to four, or keep time but not both simultaneously. Often found dressed in board shorts and moth eaten black t-shirt despite frigid conditions, these throw backs are usually quite placid until the phrase "Lars Urlich sucks" is uttered.

Percussionist:	a very rare bread indeed, not only can these chimps keep time but due to their opposable thumbs can count past four! Unfortunately many suffer from OCD and insist on strict time keeping, should one pick on you timing errors they have turned mad and should be put down immediately.

Guitar player:	definition: one who at some time has owned a guitar.

Guitarist:	synonym for wanker; often only picked up the guitar in the vein hope of picking up chicks and as such spend more time in front of the mirror than practicing. They believe that because they play lead guitar the rest of the band aught to follow, guitarists should spend more time on hamerons and less time pulling off.
Bass player:	guitarist wannabe's that could not count to six and so picked an instrument with four strings usually. A scientific fact: penis size is inversely proportional to the number of strings on the bass guitar, so beware the bass player who only uses 2 strings ...don't let your girl friend with in 20 feet!
Bassist:	falsely believe that playing an instrument that is both melodic and percussive is important. Despite years devoted to the instrument, still don't realize that a Bass is any of various North American freshwater fish with lean flesh (especially of the genus Micropterus) and bass has been misspelled and that base means Devoid of high values or ethics.
Classical musician:	definition; one with the ability to read music but with out the ability to play music. Sorry...but if you equate a dot on a page to this finger position then you have missed the mark.
Pianist:	sub group of classical musician; can only be correctly pronounced after seven standard alcoholic drinks and sounds remarkably like the male genital organ, which they are.
Violinist:	as a juvenile, violinists produce a sound reminiscent of strangling a cat and then progress to larger vertebrate mammals. As adults they should play themselves.
Cellists:	play a large and unwieldy instrument and consequently are no good in street fights.
Double bassists:	possibly the most impractical of all instruments ...unless you need a step ladder. The double bass requires immense physical strength to lug around and as such the only perquisite for playing the instrument is that you can lift it, Biff.
Flaughtists:	sounds like Mexican food....and you like blowing over a hole.
Reid instruments:	this includes all variants of saxophone, clarinet and oboe. You blow but we know that you really suck.
Roadie:	derogatory term for a tech
Tech:	a roadie that can score
Guitar tech:	a wannabe guitarist that failed the bass player introductory examination. Resigned to re stringing and tuning inexpensive guitars for incompetent guitarists but has the by line of "if it wasn't for me.."
Bass tech:	none
Drum tech:	deluded into thinking that drum tuning is a science, the rest of us know that after kick and snare the rest is just noise. Usually know where to score and always have a pipe.
Lugger:	commonly mistaken for roadies but these tallentless hacks are banned form joining anything to anything in most venues. Their plumage is entirely black with the exception of their pure white "roadie’s cleavage" which they insist on constantly displaying to all and sundry.
Sound engineers:	a good one is worth their weight in gold; they can make your average band sound top notch. They are easily bribed with booze and hooch and you need to keep them well fed, but be warned...do not show them where the drink rider is until after the show because if they are off their head you may as well have employed Helen Keller!
Lighting engineers:	lucky for them they are self employed.
Punters:	those folk who are drunk enough, or stupid enough to pay to see your shitty little band, or the unfortunate few who were in the wrong place at the right time to escape the cover charge.